wCHAP.2

9/7/98

CHAPTER II

BECOMING YOUR BEST SELF (A WISE PERSON)

Taking the first step:

Participating in the establishment or development of a Wisdom Group is one of the essential steps towards becoming one's best self. After one has become part of a Wisdom Group and developed the necessary ties and connections they will then be ready to make the first true step. This includes self examination and in-depth study to assess all areas possible to determine what things stand in the way of becoming their best self. Although this is an individual effort and must always depend primarily upon the insights and resources of the individual, the Group must offer every tool and every support to make this self-examination useful.

The individual might begin by writing down their best understanding of what these issues are. Very likely a group effort would be necessary in which all worked together to look within themselves, thereby providing a tool to help the others better see within, while also focusing questions, comments, etc. on each other to provide outside help in the search. These group self-examination meetings might continue on a weekly basis. In conjunction with these meetings an expert system (a computer process) needs to be developed to ensure that all relevant areas are explored. This expert system would be a primary tool to help the individual by providing a series of questions so they can more clearly understand their talents, strengths, abilities, potentials, etc.; and also their weaknesses, deficiencies, lacks, things to overcome, etc.

Initially, this would be a very crude tool that would be changed and improved with the input of each person who used it. And this change and refinement should always be part of the process even as it becomes improved and more and more useful to more and more people.

Because each person's experiences, genes, etc. are unique they each can provide humanity something that no other person can provide. The challenge of a Wisdom Group is to help each person master their unique self and utilize that specialness to improve the human condition for more and more people.

The function of the Wisdom Group is to provide whatever experience is necessary to help the individual see what course they need to pursue to move in a positive direction. Levels of membership is the measure used to assess progress in the necessary direction. Self empowerment is the primary goal the Group must encourage for each individual. Whatever it takes to experience a true love of themself, a conviction that they can do anything necessary to become their best self. Frequently, this will require breaking through defenses set up to give the appearance of strength and competence to hide a core of insecurity and self-loathing.

One area of exploration would be the individual's hopes for the world. What they would like to do to use their life in the most constructive way possible.

Initially the challenge will be to develop a list of helpful questions to promote self-understanding. Below is a first effort in this direction:

I. WHO AM I?

A. Family:

1. What kind of family structure did you grow up in?

a. How many adults in your family?

b. Was that arrangement stable or did it change? If change, when and how?

c. How many children in your family?

1). What was the differences in ages and where did you fit in the family constellation?

2). Their gender?

2. How was behavior controlled in the family? Spanking?, time-out?, yelling?, talking to?, family counsel?, Other (describe)

a. How effective was the technique used? Did everyone participate equally? Was it fair?

b. How do you feel about your parents, brothers/sisters, other family members?

c. How much interaction was there with family members not living in the home?

3. What was the attitude about sex in the family?

4. Was nurturing touch used? How?

5. Was your home a place where friends, family, etc. came and were welcome or was it devoid of such visits?

6. Was your family poor, rich? How did you feel about this?

7. Do you have any children? Describe, ages, etc. Grandchildren?

8. Your family tree in as much detail as possible?

9. What other things about your family come to mind?

B. Education:

1. How was school for you?

a. Where did you go to school?

b. Who was you favorite teacher? Least favorite? -- Why?

c. What were your favorite subjects? Least favorite?

d. What are some of the most memorable things that happened at school?

2. When did you learn to read? What do you remember about this?

3. Did you enjoy reading? What things did you enjoy most?

4. What was the level of education of your parents? How did your family feel about getting an education? Learning? Was it encouraged, discouraged, valued, devalued?

5. What is your level of formal education? Future plans?

6. If college, area of study?

C. Religion:

1. What was the role of religion in your family?

D. Career and Hobbies

1. Vocational experiences? What jobs have you held?

2. What future job plans and goals?

3. Hobbies, special interests?

E. Life traumas:

1. What are the best experiences you have had in your life?

2. What are the worst experiences you have had in your life? (For each area below, person would be referred to specific in-depth area relevant to them. Number three is an example.)

a. Have you gone hungry? Explain.

b. Illnesses?

c. Were you ever sexually abused? By whom? Over what period of time? What specifically happened? How do you feel about this? Does it seem to be completely irrelevant to your current feelings, or is it something you feel still very involved in dealing with? Did the police or other authorities ever get involved in this? How? If this area still needs to be dealt with see V.

d. Rape?

e. Criminal behavior?

f. Other sex?

g. Alcoholism/drugs?

h. Etc.

i. What positive benefits came out of your life trauma?

F. You:

1. How would you describe yourself?

a. cheerful a. loner (prefer being alone)

b. depressed b. party animal (how often?)

c. angry c. Read a lot (how much?)

d. fearful d. computer nerd

e. shame e. aloof

f. guilt ridden f. curious

g. sad g. satisfied

h. amazed h. yearning

i. trusting i. mechanical repair skills

j. vigilant j. writer/poet (describe)

k. bored k. athlete (explain)

l. ecstatic l. other (describe)

2. What percentage of your time with persons do you spend in each of the above states?

3. Are you in touch with your feelings? Do you want to be more aware of your feelings? Do you think you are too much into your feelings?

4. Do you worry about the current condition of the world?

a. Do you want to make it better?

b. How?

5. How difficult do you think it will be to achieve the goal of becoming your best self?

6. When you think about being your best self, how close do you feel you are to that state? __ Have basically achieved it, __ 75+%, __ 50+%, __ 25+%, __ 10+%, __ less than 10%.

7. How clear is your image of who you would be if you were your best self?

a. What are your good qualities?

b. Your strong points? The things about yourself you admire?

1). Are you a caring person?

2). Intelligent?

3). Creative?

4). What special talents?

5). Ability to be understanding?

6). A pleasant smile?

7). Etc. List everything, even though they may seem tiny, or unimportant.

II. A PROFILE -- YOUR FEELINGS: these questions will be separated into four periods -- 1. pre-teen, 2. teen years, 3. post-teen, 4. currently (if different from one of the foregoing).

On a scale of zero to ten (with ten high):

A. How would you rate your satisfaction with your life?

1. What is your source of greatest satisfaction?

2. What are your greatest disappointments?

B. Did/Do you have friends? Who, what, where, when?

C. What was/is your favorite activity? Describe in as much detail as possible.

D. Who was/is closest to you? What kind of things did you do together?

E. What was/is your favorite time of year? Why?

F. Did/Do you travel? How much, how far? What do you remember about it?

III. What do you feel is the best way to move toward becoming your best self? Rate the below items in their relative importance.

A. Would work with the proper therapist help?

B. Is a change of job needed?

C. Do you need more education? a. Learn to read? b. To better speak/understand English? c. Get your high school equivalency (GED)? d. Enroll in or return to college? 1). Part-time, or 2). evening courses? 3). Other? e. Home study?

D. Is a specific skill or ability needed? How can it be achieved? A mentor? A specific work-shop or course? On-the-job training? Other?

E. Do your relationships need to change?

1. Get divorced?

2. Get married?

3. Improve social skills?

4. Other?

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